[Originally shared April 13, 2020]

Featured on the blog is someone VERY special to me: my mother.

It’s interesting to know that this post goes live the week before I turn 30, and this is the story of my mother’s experience getting pregnant, being pregnant, having me (and getting pregnant again with my brother, Dean), and all the little in-betweens.

I have to give major props to my mom for writing this after continuing to work from home in quarantine for 10 hour-days as a literal rocket scientist, and to my dad, retired, who was tasked to send me the photos that accompany the story. He actually had to SCAN these babies in and email them. Some of them make me laugh, because I can imagine my dad taking most of them, feeling flustered as a new parent and totally in awe of his wife and new baby, which is why many of them aren’t in focus or follow any kind of photography guidelines. Some of them are graphic, so brace yourself.

Let’s be real, this story is about a beautiful couple (my mom, Khanara, was 30 and my dad, Gregg, was 42 when they had me), both transitioning into parenthood. Read on and enjoy this story through my mom’s eyes as she looks back 30 years ago.

THE PREGNANCY

My first pregnancy was a planned pregnancy. We knew when the child was conceived and where. It was an easy pregnancy. I don’t recall that I ever had morning sickness nor any queasiness, but I was hungry for tangerines and napping more. I could eat a dozen tangerines in one sitting. We went to the farmer’s market every Saturday morning to get a 10 lb. bag.

Editor’s note and fun fact: Brittney was conceived in San Diego, where she currently resides.

My body did not change for the first three months or so, then I felt the fullness of my breasts. I felt and knew that the baby was growing in my stomach because I was very thin. No one noticed that I was expecting a child until my fifth month into the pregnancy. I did not notice any changes in my energy level throughout the whole pregnancy. Things felt more real when the doctor did the ultrasound and showed the little fetus inside my womb. My belly grew fast in my eighth and ninth months. I felt like those big M&M’s with head, arms, and legs.

I waited so long to actually have people notice that I was pregnant. I really enjoyed being a proud expecting mama during the last couple months of my pregnancy. The funny thing is, strangers would open the door for me, some asked to feel my tummy. Friends just liked to feel my tummy, sometimes without asking. I was proud to show my tummy when the baby moved or stretched.

My husband and I were very excited and happy to be expecting parents. We read books about pregnancy and prepared for our child. We spent months preparing the nursery room, bought a crib, and researched for a baby car seat. We read about talking to the baby while the child was still in the womb. We read and talked to our child daily. Our practice paid off, when the baby responded to sound of my husband calling. Once the ultrasound showed that the baby was a girl, we started talking to her and calling her by name.

THE BIRTH

We took a Lamaze class and baby care classes at the Methodist hospital where the baby was to be delivered. I felt well and I worked all the way until the baby due date. People told me that the first baby generally comes later than the due date. I wanted to save my leave time to spend with my baby as long as my leave time allow. Then, on Saturday, one day after the due date, I felt some light contractions. My husband and I went to set up a satellite dish for the church transmission service on Sunday. The contractions did not intensify on Saturday. We actually went to church on Sunday. On Sunday evening, the contractions were more frequent and intensified, but still tolerable. We went to the hospital Monday morning, still no baby. Later we found out that the baby was too big for me to have vaginally, and C-section was the only option for the safety of the baby and me. Monday at 8 PM, we delivered our first born.

The most incredible and magical thing happened when my daughter was born. As the nurse handed the baby to my husband, my husband whispered her name and she turned toward his voice and looked right at him as if she recognized his voice. We, especially my husband, never forgotten that moment. It was carved on his heart forever. Until this day, we still are convinced that she did recognized her dada’s voice. I recommend every parent to talk to their child beginning when the child is still in the womb.

THE FOURTH TRIMESTER

I was off from work for 12 weeks to spend quality time with my daughter and nursed her. From what I read, I was able to train my daughter to eat at a three hour interval, starting at 3 AM, 6 AM, 9 AM, 12 PM, 3 PM, 6 PM and 9 PM. She was a good and very happy baby, she slept well and adapted to the routine very quickly and I’m thankful for that. We enrolled our daughter at the Methodist church daycare in Pasadena near where I worked with the intent that I come to nurse her at lunch and she would receive the already pumped milk twice a day, 9 AM and 3 PM.

My husband worked at his daily job full time and most evenings as a volunteer minister. He did the lord’s work in the evening from 7-9 PM visiting church members, the seniors, the youth and sick. I was grateful that I had had the evenings with my daughter; but at the same time, I wish that we had him with us in the evenings.

Every Friday night, since my husband had that evening off from visiting, the three of us would go to the laundry mat and have dinner out at the Vietnamese restaurant next door. This was our weekly routine. On Saturday, we went to the park, visited family, or had family get-togethers. On Sunday, we went to church both AM and PM, and most of the time we’d have members come over for lunch between the services. Looking back, I don’t how we did all that, but we did it.

THE SECOND PREGNANCY

We were expecting once again when my daughter was about nine months old. This time I showed quickly. I think because my body did not have time to get back to the original stage. It could be because I did not take care good care of myself. I did not exercise regularly; I worked full time and devoted all my time to my family and did not pay much attention taking care of myself.

The second pregnancy with my boy was also a breeze. Once again, I did not have any morning sickness. I had a craving for bananas this time and napped a lot.

We had a great pediatrician who prepared us well. He educated and coached us to pay attention to my first and include her with all the activities with the baby. We grew out of an old two-bedroom home, and built a new four-bedroom home while I was expecting my son. My husband handled most of the contracting activities. Since my daughter was on really good routine, I was able to give my husband a little help with meeting with the architect, reviewing the plan and helping with interfacing contractors or the inspector. We were busy!

We had our new home final inspection on the due date of our son’s birth. I took the day off to see the doctor and to meet with the inspector. When the inspector saw how big I was, he asked when the baby due and I told him it was that day. His eyes were big with disbelief. He did his inspection and it passed to move in. My husband took the next day off to move our belongings to our new dwelling in back of our old house all by himself. My back was killing me that night from walking back and forth from the front house to the back house, and up and down the stairs since we now had a two-story home. We moved most of our stuff in one day. I think my brothers and my sister helped with some of the big pieces of furniture.

FROM A FAMILY OF THREE TO THE FINAL FOUR

We called our doctor the day my back was killing me, and he told us to come in. We were originally scheduled to have a C-section on October 13th, but we went ahead to have it on 9th. My son was breach and he never turned to head-down, so we had to have a c-section anyway. He also responded to our voices and his sister’s voice since we talked to him when he was in the womb. My son and my daughter would talk and played together for a long period of time.

Following our pediatrician’s recommendation regarding including my firstborn on every thing we do with our new baby, we bought a stuffed seal for the big sister Brittney and a note from her little brother to thank her for sharing her parents and being a good big sister. My husband put the gift and the note from my son to my daughter in the crib. As the nurse rolled him in the room, we showed her the gift and we talked to her about her brother.

She loved her brother and want to take care of him. She called him “mine”. I think because we included her with all the activities with her brother, my daughter did not show any jealousy as they grew up together. They were best friends even when they went to college.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

As a baby, my son was high maintenance due to his allergy and sinus issues. Thankfully, my mother was between jobs, and she agreed to help us watch the children while I worked. We had a live in babysitter! There are pros and cons to have grandparents watch your children. The pros were 1) my mother is trustworthy, 2) she loves my children with all her heart, 3) we don’t have to take the children out of the house, 4) staying at home, the children did not catch all the illness as they would be in daycare, 5) she could have taught my children my native language. The cons were 1) my mother spoiled my children, 2) my mother did not have the strength to deny my son the bottle and she gave it to him whenever he made a fuss, 3) my mother is not responsible for disciplining my children, my husband and I are. You see the benefits outweighed the disadvantages. Until this day, my mother would do any thing for my children. She would still be spoon-feeding them today if they let her. That is a grandmother bureaucracy.

FEW WORDS TO NEW PARENTS

Talk, read and sing to your child very early on when they are still in the womb. Babies’ learning starts very early, babies are smarter than we give them credit for. Their brains are just like a sponge.
Include your older child/children in the activities that you do with your younger child such as feeding, changing, talking, playing, napping.
You can train your baby to eat on schedule.
Understand and evaluate the benefits and the disadvantages of grandparents watching your children. Make your decision early whether you accept it or not. It is your responsibility to discipline your children. Your parents will love and spoil your children. If you don’t like that aspect of it then don’t plan on having them watching your children.
Your children will be fine as well if you choose to have your parents take care of them. Your parents raised you, they should be able to raise your children. This was done for many generations before us. (Just know that your parents would not be as modern and up to date with technology as much as you are!)

Love, Khanara

Khanara’s Birth Truth