How My Stress Manifests as Pelvic Floor Problems
Let me just give you fair warning: this isn’t a happy, go-lucky kind of post. But I hope for some, there’s light, acknowledgement, and validation for your feelings.
In all honesty, I personally have a hard time allowing myself to feel, let alone feel vulnerable, especially when life just doesn’t seem to allow for me to have that time. So I’m using this platform to actually take that space, reflect, and share.
Over the past month, it seems that there hasn’t been time to slow down with my brother’s wedding, cramming clients and classes into a short work week, a road trip to Arizona, and a week long lululemon employee training all back to back. I can admit- I did this to myself, thinking I could handle it all, especially with my cycle-syncing super powers.
REALITY CHECK: I BURN OUT WHEN I DON’T HAVE PROPER TIME TO RECHARGE AND REFLECT.
Not only was the travel and new schedule messing with my diet and exercise routine, there was a lot I didn’t get to process emotionally. I was questioned many times at the wedding how old I was (29) and if I was married (no, I’m not) and why I wasn’t married (I don’t know/I’m focusing on my career/I’m legit scared). Feeling pressured into someone else’s (and my old) timeline for what society thinks is right for relationships, marriage, and so on did not feel good to me.
On top of all that, I’ve been changing my outlook on where I want to put my time, focus and energy, and that includes working at lululemon part-time. I didn’t realize how much they support their people, and the training was intense for me (I tried not to show it too much) but I took it very seriously with all the self-reflection imbedded in the training.
I HAD TO FACE A LOT OF MY DEMONS AND IT FINALLY CAME TO A HEAD AS I GOT READY TO TEACH YOGA RIGHT AFTER THE END OF THE TRAINING.
Before I teach, I like to do a few things: set up an idea for what the theme is, say hi to everyone, and make sure to empty my bladder. So 15 minutes before class, I headed to the restroom having just finished the last of 4 days of lulu training, and I get the most uncomfortable and familiar feeling of urge incontinence. Even though I had let down some urine, my pelvic floor felt tight and painful, and my bladder didn’t feel empty. As soon as I stood up from the toilet, I wanted to sit back down and try again.
For anyone who hasn’t experienced any kind of pelvic floor issues, it is usually painful, debilitating and embarrassing to share. But in order to help myself, I needed to share my problem with my studio manager who helped me get one of my classes covered so I could go home and rest. However, I had to buck up and teach the class that was coming up in 15 minutes.
In every attempt to be strong in front of my students, I couldn’t hide what was true to me:
I HADN’T BEEN LISTENING TO MY FEELINGS OF EXHAUSTION AND INSECURITY, AND MY BODY WAS LETTING ME KNOW THROUGH A FLOOD OF TEARS AND PELVIC FLOOR PAIN.
I had never cried in front of a room full of students, and to my surprise and relief, they were very cool about it and even appreciative of my vulnerability. It’s hard for me to share that even now, because my feeling overwhelmed doesn’t happen often, but when it happens, people are usually taken aback. My usual self is sunshine and smiles, so I get that it can be uncomfortable for some to hold space for anything other than that.
SO HOW HAVE I MADE PROGRESS/FULL RECOVERY SINCE THEN?
For me, it meant taking time off from teaching for the night, going home and vegging on the couch reading, writing, and having conversations about my feelings. That got rid of the emotional pain and tears.
The following day, I practiced deep breathing and patience whenever I had to use the restroom in order to release my pelvic floor muscles and their control over the sphincter. It took all day long of this practice and another night in on the couch relaxing my system for the pelvic floor pain and urge incontinence to go away.
But it did go away. And I hope it never gets to this point again, but at least I know I have the capabilities to keep it from happening again with better awareness.
As for you, you may feel your pain (emotional, mental, or physical) manifest in other ways or places, like chest pain at the onset of a panic attack, nausea, or headaches. But I guarantee it would only help you to do the following:
Listen to your body. I’ve learned this lesson for good after this particular episode.
Practice awareness and deep breathing/meditation for a sense of peace and balance in control and letting go.
Allow the feelings to flow. Give yourself the space to feel sad, frustrated, angry, hurt.
Remember it’s a practice.
The body will always keep the score. It’s your responsibility (and mine) to keep it even.
